Motoring Middle East: Car news, Reviews and Buying guides

The Academy Awards are completely missing the point. It’s not about the stars – it’s about the cars!

By Shahzad Sheikh & Imthishan Giado

Well done to 12 Years a Slave, Gravity, Matthew McCounaughey and Cate Blanchett for walking way with golden statuettes at this year’s Oscar awards!

Celebrating actors and directors is one thing, but as far as we car guys are concerned, the Academy Awards are completely missing the key aspect of what really makes a good movie – the cars!

Not to worry – we at Motoring Middle East have decided to step in and fill this glaring void with our own Car Oscars 2014.

Best car in a really bad movie

Ford Mustang Shelby GT500 for Getaway.

As good as the Shelby Mustang is, and it is really good, and despite the fact that it had loads of screen time and took part in tons of action, it could do nothing to save this abysmally bad movie. According to the movie some little geeky girl owns the car and has modified it, and for some bizarre reason, also armoured it. Utterly nonsensical.

Best film for car anoraks

Corvette ZR1 for The Last Stand

The Last Stand was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s first lead role since the terrible Terminator 3, and was directed by South Korean director Kim Ji-woon – who’s clearly some kind of car guy. Because the drug lord villain escapes FBI custody in a Chevrolet Corvette C6 ZR1. The best bit is when the FBI agents call on the office nerd to find out what the Corvette is and why they can’t catch it. Of course Arnie does catch it in the end. In a Camaro. Not just any Camaro mind you, but a 580bhp ZL1 – spot on!

Anoraks fact: The ZR1 with 638bhp has a 0-100kph time of 3.3 seconds and a top speed of 330kph, so even with Arnie at the wheel, the ZL1 would have struggled with a 0-100 time of 4.0seconds and 290kph. But then it’s Arnie for God’s sake!

Best vintage car in a movie

1929 Duesenberg Model J for The Great Gatsby

The pride and smug grin on Leonardi DiCaprio’s face when he introduces his ‘custom’ Duesenberg to Toby Maguire in The Great Gatsby, is very telling. This is no ordinary machine. In fact it’s stunning to behold. And watching it being properly thrashed in the movie is an absolute treat. The fact that it becomes a central component in the story itself is an added bonus.

Anoraks fact: the movie is set in 1922, but this is a 1929 model. Oops!

Best car in a science fiction movie

Lotus Evora in The Host

It was a pretty terrible movie, with a pointless premise, illogical plot and comically bad acting not to mention being saturated with mind-numbingly dull teenage angst. Still the shiny mirror-finish Lotus Evoras (again a completely illogical choice if you think about the premise of the society it was operating in) looked absolutely stunning. BTW, did I mention this was crap sci-fi?

Because Mercedes isn’t paying US for product placement, we thought we’d use an entirely different still from A Good Day to Die Hard!

Best product placement

Mercedes for A Good Day to Die Hard

When forcing yourself to rewatch A Good Day to Die Hard, and you will have to force yourself because it is such a disgrace to the legacy of the great Die Hard movie series, you’ll notice near the beginning a row of three nice new BMWs being blown to bits. And thus starts this hour and half long advert for Mercedes with an ensuing avalanche of destruction in which Bruce Willis destroys most of Russia with an AMG G-Wagon, an S-Class and a Unimog.

Honorable Mention: Audi in Iron Man 3

Best historic car movie

Rush

Based on the real life rivalry between Formula 1 champions James Hunt and Niki Lauda, this accurate and dramatic story telling at its best. Whilst the car action is not quite as brilliant as the 1966 movie Grand Prix – which remains the standard-bearer – Rush is brilliantly evocative of the devil-may-care style of motor racing in the 1970s. If you’re a racing fan this is a must watch.

There were no cars in Gravity, so instead here is Sandra Bullock floating. You may dwell here for a moment or two…

Best film that didn’t actually have a car in it

Gravity

Cars are everywhere. They’re a huge, huge part of our daily lives, so cinema naturally reflects that reality. So it’s kinda amazing that somebody made a movie set in modern times which featured not a single car in it. Not even a random cutaway to the NASA parking lot. Not even a rescue truck at the end.

Alfonso Cuarón, we salute you for your bravery.

Honorable Mention: All Is Lost

Yes, do arrest him for what he did to that Countach. And get Marty too!

Best film to completely wreck a real Lamborghini Countach

Wolf of Wall Street

This one really, really hurt. Especially that the film makers didn’t use a replica like every other Hollywood production. We’re talking Scorcese. We’re talking real authenticity. Thus an actual 25th Anniversary Lamborghini Countach – the most over-the-top, gaudy version of an legendarily gaudy car – was sacrificed for an admittedly amazing scene in which Leo DiCaprio (another award for him!) attempts to drive home while on a Quaalude bender, hitting trees, shrubbies, parked cars. Every hit on that beautiful cocaine-chic body, a bullet to the chest of enthusiasts.

Next time Marty, use a Fiero kit car.

Best Car Chase involving a Boring MidSize Saloon

Ford Taurus for Identity Thief

In 2011, this award deservedly went to the Toyota Camry as driven by Ken Jeong in The Hangover Part II. This year, an all-American classic sweeps up the prize as Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy duke it out on the freeway in a battle of the beige. Barrell rolls, out of control semis and massive smashes – this one’s got ‘em all.

Best car chase on the White House Lawn

White House Down

Unbelievably, this was a year in which there were not one but two films about White House invasions. But while Olympus Has Fallen was over-the-top violent and self-serious, White House Down boasted a gleeful car chase through the hallowed grounds, the Beast fishtailing sideways everywhere and bashing into baddies. We all know Obama’s wanted to do it.

Anoraks fact: For the movie three replica ‘Beasts’ (the presidential limo) were built based on photos of the real car at a cost of $200,000 each. Full size Chevy Surburbans were stripped to the chassis, and fibre glass body panels were put on it to resemble Obama’s Caddy. There were fitted with 400bhp V8 crate motors.

If Jeff Goldblum were here you know what he’d say: ‘Must go faster, must go faster!’

Best Classic Car from a now-classic film

Jeep Wrangler from Jurassic Park 3D

Last year saw the rerelease of Jurassic Park in 3D. Everybody loves a good dinosaur romp, but for us, it’s an excuse to ogle those amazing car sequences again. Thrill as the Wrangler escapes from the T-Rex! Gasp as the Ford Explorer takes on the T-Rex and loses! Admit it, you’re reaching for the Blu-Ray now, aren’t you?

Anoraks fact: In the original novel the tour cars were not Ford Explorers, but Toyota Land Cruisers!

Best car movie

Fast & Furious 6

Of course there could be no other. More cool motors, chases and car crashes than any other movie. This is a movie franchise by car guys, for car guys. Its win here is made all the more poignant by the tragic loss of one of its stars, Paul Walker, who was a proper and total petrolhead – basically he was one of us, who also happened to be a movie star. We particularly love the fact that they have to go ‘old skool’ with the cars because the villain has a device to knock out engine management computers on new cars!

Anoraks fact: for the climatic sequence to have actually taken place the runway they were racing down would have had to have been 27.86 miles (44.84km).  And by-the-way, as good as an Alfa Romeo Giulietta is, it can’t pull down a Antonov-124

See also

The Car Stars of Fast & Furious 6

Tribute to Paul Walker

See Paul Walker’s collection

Disagree with our awards? Then let us know below. Or add a few Car Oscars of your own!